DEAR DIDRE: MY mother doesn’t know that I saw her kissing a family friend and now I can barely look her in the eyes.
Mom had been this woman’s best friend since high school, and when they both settled down and had kids, our families did everything together.
More Tips from Dear Deirdre
No problem is too small, too big, or too embarrassing. Read our personal responses here.
- Dear Deirdre on Mental Health
- Dear Deirdre about personality
- Dear Deirdre about debt and money
- Dear Deirdre at work
- Dear Deidre on Health and wellness
- Dear Deirdre about addiction
We went camping on the weekends, spent every New Year’s Eve together, and were constantly going in and out of each other’s houses.
I am 22 years old and my mother and her friend are 53 years old. I have a sister, 20 years old, and my mother’s friend has sons, 23 and 20 years old.
I’m shocked to see them kiss – it wasn’t a kiss on the cheek. I was at the foot of the stairs putting on my shoes when I looked up and saw them in the living room.
Each problem receives a personal response, usually within 24 hours on business days.
Catching their reflection in the hallway mirror, I saw Mom wrap her arms around this other woman and grab her ass as she pulled Mom in for a proper kiss on the lips.
I started coughing to let them know I was there and they immediately dispersed.
Mom and dad broke up three years ago, but the other woman still lives with her husband.
I feel terrible knowing what I’m doing. I liked this family, and we children quite often walk by ourselves.
Their family has been such a big part of my life that I feel a complete conflict.
Am I talking about it? Or is it better to just leave the schtum?
I thought mom and dad broke up because they got separated, but maybe they broke up because dad knew mom was cheating with this woman.
I really don’t know what to think.
DEIDRA SAYS: It doesn’t look like keeping it to yourself is an option.
If your mom hasn’t noticed that you left her yet, she will soon notice.
You can speculate as much as you like: this kiss could have been a one-time kiss, they could have been deeply in love and enjoyed a long and secret romance, or their relationship could only recently become physical.
Maybe your father knew, maybe not.
But the only way to clarify the situation is to talk to mom.
So let her know what you saw. Explain how this knowledge has put you in a difficult position and strains.
Ask her to work things out with this woman in one way or another, and remind her that any affair is not fair in any family.
Suggest that she speak to a counselor, as she will undoubtedly have difficult decisions to make.
My Counseling support package will help her find reputable therapists. If you need to speak to someone please contact themix.org.uk (0808 808 4994), which helps under 25s.