Found an inflatable sex doll and lace underwear in my husband’s gym bag

DEAR DEIDRE: In my husband’s duffel bag, I FOUND women’s underwear, a vibrator, condoms, and a blow-up doll.

We are both 36 years old and have been married for ten years.


He walked in just as I was taking these things out of his bag and looked distressed.

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He walked in at the very moment that I took these things out of his bag and looked extremely depressed.

He started to say that his comrades set him up, but I said: “Come on, I was not born under the last drop of rain.”

At first I thought he was wearing underwear, but he eventually confessed that he put his underwear on a pillow to simulate sex.

He insisted that he had not been unfaithful.

He said the vibrator was for both of us, but he never mentioned it and never mentioned rekindling a relationship with me.

Then he got defensive – same boring argument – he’s doing it because we don’t have sex.

But it is not so.

We still have sex life – every few months. We have four kids and I’m too tired to do anything else.

He recently upset me again when a letter arrived from the hospital stating he had a vasectomy.

I didn’t even know he had one. Why didn’t he even consult me ​​about this?

We had a period where we hardly spoke for several weeks. I was so angry that he did this to our family.

Then, since the children understood everything, I decided to continue the marriage for their sake.

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But I still feel so betrayed. And now these sex toys.

Was he thinking of me when he did it? How can we have a normal relationship again?

DEIDRA SAYS: It’s as easy as talking. Although, of course, it may take real courage to speak up about how you really feel and, in turn, to listen to difficult truths.

Both of you make important decisions without discussion. It’s understandable that you’re angry and have a busy life with four kids, but that doesn’t mean the sex has to stop.

You need to talk about how you don’t care about each other and remember why you fell in love.

This could mean both of you putting your kids to bed early at least once a week. This will allow you to arrange a romantic dinner or lie on the couch.

You are busy with your children, but you need to invest in your relationship.

Find a quiet moment to talk to him about your separation. Insist that you both seek help from a family counselor through the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy ( 883300).

NEXT IN TODAY’S DEAR DEIDRA I’m clingy because I’m afraid that my partner will cheat on me like my ex.

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