September 18, 2021

Everything you need to know about situations, and how to avoid them.

Ever wondered what’s going on in Blue Hell with someone you’re dating?

We are certainly not new to the idea of ​​a “situation” that is lovingly defined. Urban Dictionary As a state of confusion around a couple who are sleeping together, and / or have romantic feelings with each other – but they are not really together. This is a situation, no. Relationship And since then, the coveted turn has become a common and cunning animal.

During an epidemic, Some relationships went faster than usual. – At different levels of success – but increasingly lacking the definition needed to go first. In fact, dating app Hang found that after talking to 12,000 users, 34 ((one-third)) praised themselves for being in the same situation as last year.

And it’s easy to see how this problem has arisen. Since March 2020 the world has been in such a state of crisis, flow and emergency, I certainly refrain from describing any romantic relationship that I have encountered because – quite frankly – I have no such thing. Can’t stand what I’ve really invested in. Separating when I was trying to keep myself, my career, my friends and my family together in an epidemic.

For me, it’s never been easier to ask big questions, no matter how many compliments or explanations I want. My silence on the subject then turned into a very strange attempt to save myself. Long ago, I found myself in the throes of a relationship.

If you’re in a situation, you’re probably talking on the phone every night, but don’t agree if you’re special. You may have already taken some form of emotional investment in this person – which we may be more susceptible to jumping into during a traumatic time – without even agreeing that What do you mean by each other? Then, things can go awry. Expectations are everywhere, just as your emotions are.

It’s not good when someone else is refusing to explain your dating dynamics. One of my best friends, Daniela, also found herself in a series of coveted situations over the past year. Although each partner was different in some ways, as I watched him go through each one, I noticed that the dynamics of these “relationships” were important.

They started with a very good emotional relationship, then moved on to a lack of communication about what each partner wants from the relationship, and ultimately a general lack of appreciation for what is going on between them.

It was horrible to watch her struggle with this lack of appreciation, as she told me she “feels frustrated and upset” because these partners weren’t honest or conversational about what they wanted, or they Seeing how they are doing. At the same time, it was probably because they did not know themselves. Maybe it was because they didn’t care.

He told me that I tried to be cooler and more relaxed than usual, but then I realized that I was settling for something less and different than what I was looking for. At a time when we were being thrown in and out of the lockdown, feeling a new kind of fear for his health and our future, this emotional turmoil can be really difficult to handle, and it There is no such thing as what you want to bring on another, the same.

Dating and Relationship Coach Kate Mansfield. Says a situation can be “really catastrophic.”

“It undermines your value, your value and your identity as love,” she says. “So most people make a child of themselves that such a comfortable time warp relationship will change if they wait a little longer.”

She suggests that if things don’t go your way, you may think there’s something wrong with you, which could be toxic to future relationships. “As time goes on, you may even come to believe that it’s all about you and that you need to get better – beautiful, fun, slim, sexy, etc.” Problems in future relationships, because you can no longer trust that you are enough.

Things need to play “cool” that upset both Daniela and I – and many others – Kate sees as a “superficial sign” of the situation. “As a long-term label, a situation usually serves to avoid fear of proximity and commitment from one or both of you,” she says.

So what can be done to get out of this predicament, or to make sure you don’t go back there? “The key is to make sure you’re away from the real thing, and if the person you’re associated with resists being authentic, look at it as a red flag,” Kate suggested. ” “If you think you’re struggling to be real, it’s a good idea to get some kind of therapy or coaching before you start any kind of treatment.”

The spread of this dating trend – the growing amount of romantic relationships becoming a “situation” and somewhat lacking in appreciation – emphasizes the full importance of the person you are dating and above all Putting your needs first is the agenda

For Daniela, it’s all about acknowledging when someone is giving you the least, and rejecting that level of effort altogether.

“In the past I reassured myself that I was at least fine, but now I know I deserve more than that,” she tells me, a feeling that is undoubtedly the best and most empowering. The situation is “yes”

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