Dating expert and author. Notice on love., Lauren Wendell explains the first date mistake we all make that wreaks havoc on our relationship.
Like many of us this summer, I have sunk my teeth into the island of love, and am enjoying the ups and downs of affected relationships.
But whenever a newcomer enters the villa, the crew gathers around the fire pit and asks them: “What is your oath?”
On the surface, this is a natural question, but in reality – it creates some very big problems.
It’s not just bikini-clad islanders who jump in to find someone, we all do.
On a first date, we are all guilty of asking: “What do you want in a relationship?” , “What do you usually look for?” Or “What is your type (on paper or outside)?”
The danger is, if you like this person, then you will begin to adapt.
What you are really asking is: “How good am I by your standards?”
And if that doesn’t happen, it’s still a way to get more involved with your partner.
This can happen in obvious ways, such as dying your hair or trying to change the shape of your body, although physical adaptation is more rare.
It is more likely that a person will adopt his character traits, his personality, his hobbies, his likes and dislikes.
“I just want to be with someone who is really unpretentious,” he said.
“I like someone who can watch football with me,” he said. “Someone can sit in a game for hours when he wants to watch Corey.”
“I like a man who wears heels,” you can wander around in blistered shoes when you shake a pair of Converse instead.
You can only pretend to be someone else, before it’s all destroyed – so don’t worry in the first place.
Don’t even ask what the other person wants, just show yourself and you will know if they like you.
You will also find that “who likes” changes very quickly when they realize they like you and you don’t have any of their standard traits.
No one can control who they are attracted to or what they are attracted to, even if they pretend they have a checklist.
To be truly appreciated and loved, you must be completely yourself. This is the foundation on which a strong and lasting relationship can be built.
Your confidence in knowing who you are and not having to ask them what they want will be more appealing than just being on their list.
Trust me – you don’t need to know.
Love Notes: Being single and dating in a married church. By Lauren Wendell is out now.
Want more dating tips? This dating expert reveals the personality traits that make you the most “wanted” and the two who will struggle with love.
In addition, this dating expert showed the ideal way to ask a woman out and every block should look at it.
And Brits reveals how the first date is perfect – including buying three drinks and finishing your partner twice.